why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
