i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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