I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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