Need sex. Gaining weight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
