So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
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Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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