Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
