You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
