I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
