he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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