I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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