I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
