So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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