When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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