I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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