; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
