Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
