i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
