I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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