I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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