I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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