We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
