I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize