I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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