ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
