so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think people are normalizing furries
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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