My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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