The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
