I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
