If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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