fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
