lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
