you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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