if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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