New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
