So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
