is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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