When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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