then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this just has baby written all over it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
