If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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