no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
