It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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