I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The air was thick with penises
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
