I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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