I just saw a hot homeless man
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
