why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I will be naked everywhere
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You pole danced in your parka.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
as a side note pls kill me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
