the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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