I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's like iHOP with fire
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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