That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
