the condom got lost in my hair
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
