yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she woke up with a sticky ear
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
