Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
