Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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