only if we run a train.
done.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need to sanitize my soul.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
