im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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