Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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