Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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