After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
