the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
