I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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