Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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