around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can you repeat that, but with context?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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