i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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