I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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