Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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