I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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