well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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