youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
