is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
