am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
