new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
