so that wasnt chicken after all
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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